It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
