May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
