Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
