he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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