It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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