dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
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