She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
