Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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