Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
