woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
im six kinds of drunk right now
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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