Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Are we in a gay sports bar?
kristin has been a bad kristin
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
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