woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
