I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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