I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize