Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
