im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
In other news, I just burned my penis
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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