it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
The uberlube is also flammable
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
