tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
