Sry I called you an 8
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
How does one acquire holy water?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
