You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
