I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
