He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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