is your mom at the bar?
My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
