I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
