can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
