he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
are you so shy because you have an std?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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