ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
