Life is so much better after having sex.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
