So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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