If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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