a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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