So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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