We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
