Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
