I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap