so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
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I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
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If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.