Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
He keeps bees of course he's weird
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.