I wish I could punch you in the face.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
handjob tips. give me some.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.