Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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