I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
