"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
