Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
