Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I'm too high and old for this...
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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