I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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