ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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