he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
