This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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