Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Holy sore nipples Batman
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
