You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
