I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
