I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
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I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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