Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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