I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
