we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I queefed so loud it echoed.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
not ubering you a puppy
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
