The maid of honor just puked.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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