Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
