Only a mothe r could love this liver
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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