Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
