thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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