dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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