I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I can't turn off my feet"
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
