chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
