so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
