we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Houston, we have a squirter
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
