Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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