If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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