His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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