it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
birth control should be required to get into college
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
