Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
