she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
