I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
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I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
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well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
There's even glitter on my cock...
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