HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
The uberlube is also flammable
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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