You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
did i walk over a car last night?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
