Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
