Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
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