remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize