Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Is Oprah even human
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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