So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
