I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
