God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
