Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
