I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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