he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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